So I decided instead of actually waiting for a movie to be released and then reviewing it, I would submit a movie review sheerly based on watching half of a trailer, online hearsay, and whatever gaps my mind filled in for the rest.
The movie I've decided to review is "The Bucket List", a movie about to be unleashed upon the age-ed, decrepit, movie-going masses; in other words, those that don't illegally download movies and who are wooed in by Morgan Freeman's authoritative baritone and the come-hithering, arched-buttresses of Jack Nicolson's eye-brows.
The title "The Bucket List" derives from the age-old trope of the list of the 10, or 20, or, hell, even 100 things one should do before they die. The Acropolis, Skydiving, Same-Sex Experience; What sort of things would you do if you all of a sudden woke up and realized "Hey, I share the same hospital room as the narrator from every Frank Darabont movie and we're both going to be gone soon?".
So you wake up, put on your slippers, kick aside your academy awards, step-around your Harley that was a gift from Peter Fonda, stick the keys to your Crown Victoria in the ignition, and meet with the director of "This is Spinal Tap" and "Kate and Leopold" and talk about the great watermark-leaving opus you want to make before you die. You both discuss the details of the movie: Will there be an initial salty dis-ease between the two hard-veneered leads? Will they get into sticky situations with high-potential for comic pratfalls unbecoming of men their age? And will they, oh for the love of god will they, uncover the true meaning of Christmas (hint: it lies in the doe-like eyes of a adorably naive 6-year-old)?
You decide on the demographic of your picture: septuagenarians with adopted Chinese children who aren't yet old enough to know good from crap. Should there be a hi-larious scene where the two lads attempt to ride motorcycles? Would a PG-13 rated scene of sexual-misunderstanding and naughty euphemisms be too much for the adopted Chinese child? Will Annette Benning be willing to phone-in a scene with a burned Thanksgiving turkey?
And while wistfully looking back and reminiscing about the movies you've made, you decide you've created the perfect denouement to your solid-gold careers. The Bucket List has been completed. You can go home now.
And no, this man is not in it:
The movie I've decided to review is "The Bucket List", a movie about to be unleashed upon the age-ed, decrepit, movie-going masses; in other words, those that don't illegally download movies and who are wooed in by Morgan Freeman's authoritative baritone and the come-hithering, arched-buttresses of Jack Nicolson's eye-brows.
The title "The Bucket List" derives from the age-old trope of the list of the 10, or 20, or, hell, even 100 things one should do before they die. The Acropolis, Skydiving, Same-Sex Experience; What sort of things would you do if you all of a sudden woke up and realized "Hey, I share the same hospital room as the narrator from every Frank Darabont movie and we're both going to be gone soon?".
So you wake up, put on your slippers, kick aside your academy awards, step-around your Harley that was a gift from Peter Fonda, stick the keys to your Crown Victoria in the ignition, and meet with the director of "This is Spinal Tap" and "Kate and Leopold" and talk about the great watermark-leaving opus you want to make before you die. You both discuss the details of the movie: Will there be an initial salty dis-ease between the two hard-veneered leads? Will they get into sticky situations with high-potential for comic pratfalls unbecoming of men their age? And will they, oh for the love of god will they, uncover the true meaning of Christmas (hint: it lies in the doe-like eyes of a adorably naive 6-year-old)?
You decide on the demographic of your picture: septuagenarians with adopted Chinese children who aren't yet old enough to know good from crap. Should there be a hi-larious scene where the two lads attempt to ride motorcycles? Would a PG-13 rated scene of sexual-misunderstanding and naughty euphemisms be too much for the adopted Chinese child? Will Annette Benning be willing to phone-in a scene with a burned Thanksgiving turkey?
And while wistfully looking back and reminiscing about the movies you've made, you decide you've created the perfect denouement to your solid-gold careers. The Bucket List has been completed. You can go home now.
And no, this man is not in it:
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